Ask Rick Santorum: Gone But Not Forgotten

Just because he's out of the campaign business doesn't mean he's out of the advice business. So, if you have problems, former presidential hopeful Rick Santorum still has solutions!

Dear Rick Santorum,
My boyfriend's mom sent me a friend request. He didn't accept her friend request. Am I obligated to? - Awkward Turtle

Dear Awkward Turtle,
I wouldn’t, but you could. – Rick Santorum

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Dear Rick Santorum,
I live in the Netherlands and ever since you said that half the people here are euthanized involuntarily, I got scared to go to the hospital. However, when I tried to get a 'do not euthanize me'-bracelet, I discovered that they are probably sold out (couldn't find one anywhere). Do you know of any alternatives where I could get medical treatments without having to worry about never waking again? - L.M.S. in the Netherlands

Dear L.M.S. in the Netherlands, 
Miracles could happen… Thank God for that.  - Rick Santorum

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Dear Rick Santorum,
I am at war with a question that is a turmoil in my loins. My friends say Heidi Klum is an attractive woman, but I know to hold lust in my heart for a woman makes me an adulterer. When I say this, they say that I must be a homosexual. Now I am at a crossroads. Which is worse? Should I be an adulterer, or a man-handler. - Perplsexed

Dear Perplsexed,
Friends don't let friends use pink balls. - Rick Santorum

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Send your questions to Rick Santorum at indecision@comedycentral.com, subject line: Ask Rick Santorum.

See last week's Ask Rick Santorum for more no-nonsense wisdorum.