While Mitt Romney is still technically short of the requisite number of delegates needed to formally secure the Republican nomination, Barack Obama has been cruising towards re-nomination, having clinched a majority of delegates last month.
That doesn't mean Obama is without Democratic challengers, it's just that the president's primary opponents are…special. Last night, for example, Keith Russell Judd, secured 41% of the vote against Obama's 59% in the West Virginia Democratic primary. Unfortunately for Judd, his political order of operations was all wrong: you're supposed to go to federal prison after winning elective office, not before.
Yes, the man who gave Obama his biggest primary scare — the runner-up is anti-abortion activist Randall Terry, who took 18% in the Oklahoma primary — is also known as Inmate No. 11593-051 at the Federal Correctional Institution in Texarkana, Texas, where he's serving a sentence for extortion. Which is in fact the least interesting thing about him. Behold, 10 "facts" about the perennial presidential candidate, as self-reported in the candidate's Project Vote Smart biography, in honor of the 10 West Virginia counties in which Judd bested the president…
1. Just like the president, Judd will have issues with his birth certificate. He lists his mother as Lillian Russell, a silent-film star who died in 1922.
2. …and his father is reported as "Homer T. Judd. He designed the first Atomic Bomb and worked for the Atomic Energy Commissions 30 years."
3. He's a movie star, having played "Charlie" in Heaven's A and O, a video produced at Allenwood Low Security Federal Prison.
4. Though perpetually unsuccessful, Judd has more campaign experience than the president, with runs for the White House in every election cycle since 1996, plus campaigns for mayor of Albuquerque and governor of New Mexico.
5. The only person not surprised by Keith Judd's strong showing in West Virginia is Keith Judd. "ESP, Telling the Future" is listed among his "Special Talents."
7. Puts the president's educational background to shame, as he's "attended" The Kennedy School of Government at Harvard, UCLA, the University of New Mexico and Bethany Nazarene College.
8. Judd calls for the elimination of all federal taxes while increasing spending on defense and domestic welfare, a policy made possible by creative use of the Mint: "The Federal Government can merely operate on its own self produced money rather than pretend to borrow it to pay private banks to store it and regulate interest rates, and then tax it."
9. Actually, he's well in tune with the West Virginia electorate: "Homosexuality does not exist anywhere else in Nature. No other creature or aminal on earth are Homosexuals. I do not condone crimes or attacks on Homosexuals, but We do not have to place Our Seal of Approval of Same Sex Marriages."
10. He's a member of the "Federation of Super Heroes, 1976-1982"
Related: Barack Obama Loses Delegate in Oklahoma
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Crime, Democrats, Primaries, West Virginia