Among presidents and other high-ranking politicians, narcissism isn't so much a hazard as a job requirement. Still, there's being self-centered and then there's… rewriting the history of the United States to include one's own accomplishments within the biographies of past American leaders.
The conservative Heritage Foundation and Commentary Magazine catches the White House doing the latter — enumerating Barack Obama's achievements within the biographical sketches of presidents past. Unfortunately, the President's communication team neglected a few key moments in history…
* When Jefferson assumed the Presidency on March 4, 1801, the crisis in France had passed. Today, President Obama communicates with the President of France entirely through apologies.
* On March 4, 1841 William Henry Harrison became the first president to have his photograph taken. Today, the most dangerous place in America is between President Obama and a live camera.
* Inaugurated on July 10, 1850, Millard Fillmore had a weird name. Today, Barack Obama has a weird name.
* On March 4, 1857, James Buchanan became our first gay president. Today, Barack Obama is Our First Gay President.
* On July 2, 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed a bill establishing the United States' first land grant colleges. Today, President Obama fills out NCAA brackets.
* On July 1, 1893, Grover Cleveland had secret surgery to remove a cancerous growth from his jaw. The growth was said to have been caused by his habit of smoking pipes and cigars. Today, President Obama has given up smoking.
* On July 7, 1898, William McKinley signed a bill that annexed the Hawaiian Islands, making them part of the United States. Today, President Obama claims he was born in Hawaii.
* In November 1902, on a hunting trip, Theodore Roosevelt famously ordered a captured and beaten bear to be shot and put out of its misery. Today, President Obama cheers for the Chicago Bears.
* In August 1941, Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the construction of what would become Andrews Air Force Base. Today, President Obama plays golf there.
* On January 11, 2002, George W. Bush ordered the first detainees to be sent to Guantanamo Bay. Today… President Obama keeps the detention camp open and functional, actually.
Photo by Peter Gridley/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
Tags: 14th Amendment, Barack Obama, Franklin Roosevelt, George Bush, Grover Cleveland, History, James Buchanan, Millard Fillmore, Theodore Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson, Woodrow Wilson