After today's IPO, Facebook is at least as public as the pictures of that time your friends drew a gigantic penis on your passed out face, which means attention has naturally focused on the insiders whose shares will soon be worth billions. Included in that elite group is Eduardo Saverin, who renounced his U.S. citizenship in favor of Singapore's
efficient public services, thriving food culture, low tax rate.
Senator Charles Schumer, can you frame your opportunistic bombast aimed at Saverin's tax dodging in as douchy a way as possible?
"Eduardo Saverin wants to de-friend the United States of America. Sen. Casey and I have a status update for him: Pay your taxes in full or don't ever try to visit the U.S. again. This is a small, narrow group. And they deserve to get the treatment we're giving them."
Naturally, the legislation sponsored by Schumer, which would impose a 30% capital gains tax on the investments of people who renounce their citizenship for tax purposes and bar them from reentry to the United States, is called the EX-PATRIOT Act (Expatriation Prevention by Abolishing Tax-Related Incentives for Offshore Tenancy). Set aside the creepiness of a law aimed at a specific individual and the question of whether Saverin is really abusing our tax system, and we're still left with the knowledge that bill titles are getting increasingly bizarre.
The top 10 worst bill names in recent memory…
10. SLICE (School Lunch Improvements for Childrens Education Act) — It's about pizza, get it?
9. DAIRY (Dairy Augmentation for Increased Retail in Yogurt) — Also by sponsored by Sen. Schumer. Do all food related bills have to have food-y acronyms?
8. FISH (Fishing Impact Statement Honesty Act) — Yes.
7. SHSIELED (Strengthening Homeland Security, Intelligence, and Essential Law Enforcement Departments Act) — I feel safer already.
6. DIAPER (Diaper Investment and Aid to Promote Economic Recovery Act)
5. PROTECT IP (Preventing Real Online Threats to Economic Creativity and Theft of Intellectual Property Act)
4. BOSS ACT (Better Oversight of Secondary Sales and Accountability in Concert Ticketing) — Yes, it's about Bruce Springsteen.
3. E-PARASITE Enforcing and Protecting American Rights Against Sites Intent on Theft and Exploitation) — for those who loved PROTECT IP but thought the titling wasn't catty enough.
2. EX-PATRIOT (Expatriation Prevention by Abolishing Tax-Related Incentives for Offshore Tenancy) — And the granddaddy of them all…
1. USA PATRIOT (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism)
Maybe we need a SLAP THEM (Stop Lazy Attempts at Propaganda That Help Enact Mendaciousness) Act.
Photo by Lester Lefkowitz/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
Tags: Chuck Schumer, Facebook, House of Representatives, Senate