• International Multilingual Soccer Trash Talking at Camp David

    Unable to make much progress on a plan for saving the Eurozone economies from a spiraling debt crisis, Barack Obama and the other leaders of the G-8 gathered at Camp David turned to another activity in which any exciting action is strictly forbidden — soccer.

    Despite the fact that we're presently amid a three-year long celebration of There's No World Cup This Year, apparently there's still international soccer being played. Pool reports offered a behind the scenes look at Obama's soccer party with "German Chancellor Angela Merkel, British Prime Minister David Cameron and other world leaders" including "some playful trash talking… in many languages."

    Unfortunately, few details have emerged as to the nature of the trash talk, but good sense and a respect for national stereotypes allows us to fill in the blanks…

    FRANCOIS HOLLANDE: Haha, Angela! Bayern's getting screwed harder than an underage prostitute at Villa Gernetto.

    ANGELA MERKEL: (Scowls)

    MARIO MONTI: Excuse me, Mr. Berlusconi is no longer our prime minister. That is a quite unnecessary comparison…

    HOLLANDE: Oh, be quiet. It's No Child Left Behind with those Italians, amirite, Barack?

    BARACK OBAMA: Ugh, the Artist lied to us. I thought French people were supposed to be silent. Let me be clear, we must reject as false the choice between Bayern Munich and Chelsea…

    DAVID CAMERSON: No, but seriously Angela, we haven't won a shootout this satisfyingly since 1945.

    MERKEL: (Scowls)

    DMITRY MEDVEDEV: HA! I will transmit this burn to Vladimir.

    End Scene.


    Tags: G-8, Germany, Soccer, Sports, United Kingdom

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