• Ronald Reagan Would Have Wanted It This Way, Claims Blood Seller

    Ronald Reagan Jelly Bean Mosaic Whether you're a member of a Ronald Reagan blood cult, a Republican insider looking to clone the late conservative hero or simply shopping for a Father Day's surprise, Britain-based PFC Auctions has just the thing for you…

    The 5" glass vial with a half inch diameter has a green rubber stopper. Dried blood residue from President Reagan (1911-2004) can be seen clearly in the vial with a quarter-inch ring of blood residue at the end of the inserted rubber stopper….

    A 3½" x 1" white label has been affixed to the vial. It is printed, in purple ink, "REAGAN RONALD 940029 THOR / 610892572 AARON PRESIDENTIAL / SUITE 3/30/81 M 2/02/11 JAP." 940029 was Reagan's patient ID.

    Finally, something of value from the Reagan administration trickled down to the plebes! But did it have to be blood residue?

    The heartwarming story of how this purported saintly relic reached the auctioneer is a tale of kindness and property theft. Mostly the latter. The mother of the present owner was employed at a laboratory contracted by George Washington University Hospital to handle blood testing. After testing was complete, the woman took the vial home, where it has remained in the family ever since. Until now, dear reader, when it's available for about $12,000 at the current bid and exchange rate.

    For some reason, the folks at the Ronald Reagan Foundation and Library are upset at this adventure in capitalism, but the man behind this modern day equivalent of the True Cross has a solid response — it's what Saint Ronnie would have wanted…

    "…[I] had served under Pres. Reagan when he was my Commander in Chief when I was in the ARMY from '87-'91 and that I was a real fan of Reaganomics and felt that Pres. Reagan himself would rather see me sell it rather than donating it."

    So, the grossness of the item is exceeded only by the sentiment behind the auction, but before we get our hackles up, let's remember that the Bill Clinton auction in 40 years time is going to be a lot worse.

    And not for nothing, Indecision was one of the first to bring you a cultural exploration of Republicans as Ferengi. Witness, for example, the Ferengi death ritual

    The Ferengi death ritual consists primarily of preserving a Ferengi body afterdeath by means of vacuum desiccation. The process results in the Ferengi's body being reduced to a near powder, which is often stored in a set of 52 disks, marked with the Ferengi Seal of Dismemberment, and sold as a collectible on the Ferengi Futures Exchange.

    Leave this brave auctioneer alone. He's just respecting his xenobiological heritage.

    Photo by David Paul Morris/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Ronald Reagan, Star Trek, United Kingdom


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