• Donald Trump Should Be Vice President, Says Donald Trump

    If scientists could harness even a fraction of the narcissism that dwells within Donald Trump as an energy source, we could shut down all our coal powered turbines and end our dependence on global oil markets. Just the ego that lives inside the ferret atop Trump's head would be enough to light Minneapolis.

    Sadly, Trump's conceit is not a self-renewing resource. Like a hummingbird or a Newt Gingrich, it must be fed constantly, each ego-stroking stunt more grandiose, yet somehow less sating, than the last. Two days ago Trump merely wanted to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention. Now, nothing less than the vice-presidency will do…

    "You have a lot of really good candidates," Trump tells Newsmax. "Chris Christie's a great guy. He's a friend of mine. You really have someone really good there. Rob Portman, who I don't know, but I hear fantastic things about. Certainly he's been very well vetted over the years. He's a professional who's been there a long time. He's been through it. He knows the game and he's a very, very solid citizen…

    "They have a lot of very good people." He adds with a smile: "Probably the best choice of all would be Donald Trump."

    In some ways, Trump is the perfect candidate. With his long experience combining moral bankruptcy with financial bankruptcy, he's uniquely qualified to assist a Mitt Romney administration in foreign affairs and domestic fiscal policy. The only thing that could stop this marriage is Romney pulling a Dick Cheney and shooting Donald Trump in the hair. He is, after all, a hunter of "small varmints, if you will."

    Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

    Tags: Donald Trump, Republican National Convention, Veepstakes


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