President Obama Calls Mitt Romney to Congratulate Him

Obama called Mitt Romney to congratulate him on officially clinching the GOP nomination, which is like congratulating a grown man for not getting beaten up by children on his way home from work.

Courtesy of a disgruntled Republican insider (who we'll call Dwight Gingrich… No, that's too obvious. Let's call him Newt Gangrene) we acquired what would appear to be a partial transcript of the conversation…

Obama: Hello, Mitt. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Romney: No, Mr. President. I just finished ordering the murder of the man who writes my iPhone copy.

Obama: First I stole Romneycare from you and now you steal secret kill lists from me!

[LAUGHTER]

Romney: I do love when you jest, Mr. President!

Obama: I called to congratulate you on beating Newt and Rick. You smoked them so thoroughly, it reminded me of my college days.

Romney: Thank you.

Obama: Now, about Donald Trump…

Romney: I know. He keeps saying embarrassing things to the media.

Obama: Which is why you should make him Vice President.

Romney: Of course! He'll provide comic relief and take heat off me.

Obama:: Exactly. The Joe Biden tactic. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to updating my Pinterest page.

Romney: And I must resume my campaign for President of Amercia.

Immediately after the cordial conversation, both parties hung and up and resumed planning attacks on each other.

Photo by Pete Souza/Official White House Photo

Tags: Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Mitt Romney