• Concerned Americans Petition Barack Obama for a Do Not Kill List

    On Tuesday, the New York Times revealed that not only is Barack Obama our first black president and our first winning-a-Nobel-Prize-prior-to-accomplishing-anything president, he's also our first Black Nobel Prize Winning Kill List President.

    But just how does one get nominated to join the terror elite? Is it just the president's decision or is it like the Oscars, where an Academy of old, white men make the tough calls with the helpful input of a multi-billion dollar industry?

    Every week or so, more than 100 members of the government's sprawling national security apparatus gather, by secure video teleconference, to pore over terrorist suspects' biographies and recommend to the president who should be the next to die…The video conferences are run by the Pentagon.

    Like the Oscar's, but actually deadly rather than just deadly dull. But how does the president and other participants in the "Terror Tuesday" meetings (among the attendees is political adviser David Axelrod, so let's take a moment to imagine the fit liberals would throw if Axelrod was spelled R-O-V-E), know that the killer robot drones are killing the bad people?

    Mr. Obama embraced a disputed method for counting civilian casualties that did little to box him in. It in effect counts all military-age males in a strike zone as combatants, according to several administration officials, unless there is explicit intelligence posthumously proving them innocent.

    The killer flying robots only kills combatants because everyone killed by the flying robots is a combatant. This should leave us impressed — Joseph Heller was an amateur compared to the lawyers at the CIA — and concerned: just how do we manage to extricate ourselves from this Catch-22? Some concerned petitioners, roughly 1,900 at the time this post was written, think the answer is a Do Not Kill List

    The New York Times reports that President Obama has created an official "kill list" that he uses to personally order the assassination of American citizens. Considering that the government already has a "Do Not Call" list and a "No Fly" list, we hereby request that the White House create a "Do Not Kill" list in which American citizens can sign up to avoid being put on the president’s "kill list" and therefore avoid being executed without indictment, judge, jury, trial or due process of law.

    Since the killing of Anwar al-Awlaki, it's clear that Americans who don't put their names on a Do Not Kill list are eligible for placement on the Kill list. Unfortunately, the only people who would sign up for a Do Not Kill are individuals who fear being branded enemy combatants, which is a good sign that they belong on the Kill List. You can see the conundrum.

    Photo by Rich Sugg-Pool/Getty Images/Getty Images

    Tags: al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Military, Terrorism


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