• 13 Ways John Edwards Can Win Back America

    John Edwards may be out of the woods, trial-wise, but he's still a long way from finding redemption in the eyes of the American people. Achieving that will be hard, but not impossible. Here's how he can begin the process…

    1. Remind everyone that he’s still more charismatic than his 2004 running mate.

    2. Start hanging out with Newt Gingrich, Tom DeLay and Charlie Rangel, to give himself the appearance of ethical-ness by comparison.

    3. Release a fragrance called Eau de Son of a Millworker; appear on billboards covered only in bolts of textile.

    4. Star in his own reality show in which he forces people to do his bidding and then subjects them to public humiliation by firing them in front of millions of viewers.

    5. Convert to a slightly different sect of Christianity.

    6. Court the middle class by downgrading to $200 haircuts.

    7. Get himself addicted to something, seek help for his addiction.

    8. Maybe avoid frequenting prostitutes for a while.

    9. Volunteer at a soup kitchen; hold back urges to start embezzling soup.

    10. Marry a Kardashian (If none are currently available for marriage, a Real Housewife of somewhere or other will suffice).

    11. Get himself cast as Ant-Man in the next Avengers movie.

    12. Write a book titled If I Did It.

    13. Wait about three months.

    Photo by Sara D. Davis/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: John Edwards


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