Zoe Economou is running for District 2 County Commissioner in Bernalillo County, New Mexico. Zoe Economou! I could say her name for hours. Zoe Economou sounds like a smart-alecky bandit in a post-apocalyptic rock opera.
Turns out, maybe I'm not joking. Economou really is a candidate who's suited for the end times. She's a farmer and a seamstress and a beekeeper, talents you need in any apocalypse compound. Oh, like you don't judge people by the skills they could bring to Fort Costco (see, in the future, our only artifacts from the past will be vestiges of big box stores, it's a whole thing I've worked out)?
Policy-wise, Economou stands for responsible development and water conservation. More walkable communities, less Wal-Mart (Fort Costco 4 Life). She's against sprawl–in other words, she hopes to prevent Bernalillo County from turning into Houston. (You are the sprawliest, Houston, admit it.) Economou is running on these sensible-sounding plans, but really, it's her Ragnarok skills that will play well for New Mexico's June 5 primary. With all the intestine-throwing and limb-mailing, and face- and heart- and brain-eating of last week, she's showing her true worth as the world crumbles around us. The beekeeping alone will be priceless. According to my careful analysis of hypothetical apocalypse scenarios, sugar will be nonexistent–maybe it already is?–and people will bargain for honey.
Unless Economou is actually cultivating her bees to raise an army of flying terror, perhaps because she of all people knows that the end is near. Here is how she described her work, in a conversation with the New Mexico Daily Lobo, after a freak bee swarm attack (?!):
"You can pretty much take the swarm and put it in a box, and if you have the queen they'll all come with," Economou said. "They don't really care about you. They just care about the queen."
Interesting. And who has the queen? Would it be… the beekeeper? Exactly! With Napoleonic undertones like that you don't have to be a mind-reader, or even much of a word-reader, to realize that Economou has powers the average mortal can never summon. There is no way to know if she will use them for good or for evil, so let's go ahead and assume the worst–that seems like the best thing to do, these days.
In conclusion: Zoe Economou is running for District 2 Commissioner in New Mexico, has some reasonable ideas about city planning, and very likely has a loyal army of terrorist attack bees.
Photo by Jennifer M. Ramos/Flickr Open/Getty Images
Previously: Tara Volesky, "Corn star"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Ms. Economou a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: New Mexico, One of a Kind Candidates