Eight-term Alaska state representative Reggie Joule is stepping down from office to return home and run for mayor of the Northwest Arctic Borough, population 7,500. Ah, back to small-town life. In a small town that is larger than Indiana. America is bonkers.
The Northwest Arctic Borough has a population density of zero, so if I understand statistics, those 7,500 people in the Northwest Arctic Borough don't exist. Go ahead, check the math. United we stand, divided we disappear, statistically speaking. Math jokes 2012!
When I meet people outside of the U.S. and ask them what they think of our country, I expect them to rave about our freedoms (ha) or our flawless democracy (ha ha) or Michael Jackson : ( . But no, it's always the size they mention, like people too polite to say anything else when they see a friend's hideous baby. Say what you will about America: there is a lot of it. Rhode Island and Delaware could have multiple children in Joule's "borough" and still have room for Israel as an exchange student. And with this election, it could all be Joule's. He could stand on his porch in the morning, scan the horizon as far as the eye can see and think, "Yeahhh, Rhode Island and Delaware doing it."
Sorry, I buried the lede. Here it is. Blanket tossing. Joule, an Inupiat Eskimo, is in the Alaska Sports Hall of Fame for winning 10 gold medals at the World Eskimo-Indian Games for blanket tossing, which is the most fun you can have on two feet with 40 hands and a giant blanket. He also won medals for sports like the two-foot high kick and the greased pole walk. I don’t think it's too much to ask that all elected officials do the two-foot high kick. Golf multiplied by professional poker is still less than the two-foot high kick. Math jokes/more math jokes 2012! (But nothing more complicated than long division. Don't be ridiculous.)
Photo via Reggie Joule's Facebook page
Previously: Joshua Smith, "Long shot hotshot"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Joule a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Alaska, One of a Kind Candidates