• 15 Greatest Planks of the 2012 Texas Republican Platform

    The failure of Rick Perry to secure the Republican nomination raised a difficult question: Are American voters getting smarter, or are Texas Republicans getting nuttier?

    With the adoption of the 2012 Texas Republican Party Platform at the state convention earlier this month, we have part of our answer. Here are the Platform's finer moments…

    1. "We oppose sale and use of the dangerous 'Morning After Pill.'"

    2. Maybe they're just jealous of Florida's voter purge: "We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized."

    3. The No Newt Gingriches Allowed Act: "We believe in the sanctity of marriage and that the integrity of this institution should be protected at all levels of government. We urge the Legislature to rescind no-fault divorce laws. We support Covenant Marriage."

    4. Don't think of the children: "We unequivocally oppose the United States Senate’s ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child."

    5. No, seriously, don't: "We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline and home schooling in foster homes… We recommend that local school boards and classroom teachers be given more authority to deal with disciplinary problems. Corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas… We oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline, including corporal punishment, as child abuse."

    6. BECAUSE FREEDOM: "We affirm… the incompatibility of homosexuality with military service."

    7. Was it the black helicopters? "We support the withdrawal of the United States from the United Nations and the removal of U.N. headquarters from U.S. soil."

    8."We strongly support women who choose to devote their lives to their families and raising their children. We recognize their sacrifice and deplore the liberal assault on the family."

    9. At least their policy on Israel is based on a nuanced understanding of American interests and Middle East geopolitics. Just kidding: "Our policy is based on  God's biblical promise to bless those who bless Israel and curse those who curse Israel and we further invite other nations and organizations to enjoy the benefits of that promise."

    10. REPEAL IT: "We believe the Minimum Wage Law should be repealed."

    11. REPEAL IT:  "We urge Congress to repeal government sponsored programs that deal with early childhood development."

    12. REPEAL IT: "We urge immediate repeal of the Hate Crimes Law."

    13. REPEAL IT: "We recommend repeal of the Sixteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, with the  goal of abolishing the I.R.S and replacing it with a national sales tax collected by the States."

    14. What about Amurican identity? "We believe the current teaching of a multicultural curriculum is  divisive. We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that  nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups."

    15. The plank that explains all other planks: "We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values  clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that… have the purpose of challenging  the student's fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority."

    (via Misty Clifton)

    Photo by Ben Sklar/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Conservatives, Republicans, Texas

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.