• Meet Krayton Kerns, America's Greatest Defender of Liberty and Hater of Bambi

    Look to the person on your left. Now to the right. If those people are America-loving patriots, it's statistically plausible that you are the traitor. According to a Rasmussen survey, only 70% of American Adults agree with the statement that "governments derive their only just powers from the consent of the governed."

    Who are those 30% of Americans who disagree or are unsure about a fundamental statement in the Declaration of Independence? Certainly, they are not Krayton Kerns, a member of Montana's House of Representatives and self-described "conservative cow doctor."

    Every week, the veterinarian and most conservative member of the state house issues forth a Platonically-perfect rant for FREEDOM predicated on the premise that, "Liberalism is a disease from which you can be cured. Trust me, I'm a doctor!"

    On this July 4th, let's absorb some of his wisdom

    On Disney and environmentalism: "Whether Walt Disney was a cause or an effect is uncertain, but his personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed us by our Creator. Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator."

    On the relation of bison to the destruction of American liberty: "The world’s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon. In desperation, America will attempt to develop the massive Bakken oil reserves of Montana and North Dakota only to learn a future leftist president has issued a moratorium on all oil exploration to protect the habitat of our national mammal, the noble, [Yellowstone National Park]-origin, American Bison. Think about it."

    On Obamacare: "For the moment, let us ignore the fact Obamacare is the largest middle class tax hike in history, adding 1.2 trillion dollars to our ballooning national debt. It also establishes death panels to ration health care to only those deemed worthy, and will be implemented by the compassionate blue-gloved medical staff at the Internal Revenue Service, but we will ignore those too. It is easier to swallow the whole idea if you just buy the progressive line Obamacare is free and the ruling class in the federal government cares more about the little people than the little people themselves."

    Many Republican politicians present themselves as heirs to the Ronald Reagan legacy, but it's clear that Krayton Kerns, DVM is the one true inheritor of the Reagan flame.

    Draconian cuts in funding for mental health services were undertaken throughout the 1980s, with the overall number of beds available to the mentally ill in public and private hospitals dropping over forty percent between 1970 and 1984. And now those former patients are state legislators.

    Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: 4th of July, Conservatives, Environment, Health Care, Montana, State Legislature


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