• Tomorrow's Barack Obama Conspiracy Theories, Today

    Good news everybody, it is officially goddamned Summer, and not just because the weather has been an Al-Gore-is-melting-the-ice-caps-with-his-fatness 100 degrees everywhere in the country. It is summer because birthers have a new scandal to report.

    According to World Net Daily, Susan Daniels — a 70-year-old private investigator and candidate for president, because why the hell not — has filed a suit in  Ohio, demanding that Barack Obama's name be taken off the ballot until his social security number can be validated…

    Daniels started her investigation in August 2009. Given her profession, she has been able to access a variety of proprietary databases. What she learned without much trouble is that Obama has been using a Social Security Number with the prefix "042" since 1986.

    As she discovered, the "042" number is reserved for the exclusive use of individuals who register in Connecticut. When she ran 10 sequential numbers before and after Obama's, all returned with the documentation "issued 1977-1979 in CT."

    Do we even have to decode this? Obviously this poor Connecticut woman took a vacation to Hawaii, where Obama's grandmother strangled her and replaced Barack's original 666-66-6666 SSN with a more appropriate document. Next?

    Honestly, I'm getting bored with the birther and Social Security number conspiracies. How about something more exotic? Politico once reported that the president attended a press conference without his wedding ring. Has he secretly divorced Michelle? Are Anderson Cooper and the President gay married?

    Similarly, the Americans who believe Obama is a Muslim are way less interesting than the 1% who think he's Mormon. Let's go with that one.

    Photo by Rich Sugg-Pool/Getty Images/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Polls, WorldNetDaily

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