• Barack Obama Revives the Great Cookiegate Scandal of '12

    Remember back in April when Mitt Romney inadvertently disparaged a Pennsylvania local-favorite bakery when he told supporters bearing desert that "I'm not sure about these cookies… They came from the local 7-Eleven bakery or wherever"? You know, like a normal human being would.

    Years from now, future generations will be studying that incident as "Cookiegate," and it will likely be remembered mostly for how close it brought our nation to utter dissolution. Brother against brother! Baker against customer! Snickerdoodle against ginger snap! Thank god that tragedy is far back in our country's lamentable past, along with the Civil War and the shooting of J.R.

    Wait a minute! No. No! Tell me this isn't happening! Noooooooooo, Obamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

    As President Obama's motorcade rolled across the Ohio-Pennsylvania border, his campaign informed reporters that in Pittsburgh they would be treated to cookies from Bethel Bakery in Bethel Park, Pa., a locally-famous establishment whose 15 minutes of campaign fame followed an unfortunate description of them by Obama's GOP rival, Mitt Romney…

    Obama's campaign aides rubbed in Romney's snub Friday.

    "Waiting for the press in Pittsburgh… Cookies from Bethel Bakery," campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki wrote on Twitter. "Another difference with Romney. We love their cookies."

    Is this how Obama wants to gain re-election? By re-igniting long-extinguished pilot lights of destruction? Does he really wish to preside over the smoldering wreckage and burnt pastries of a once great nation? This is truly sad.

    This is not how cookies should be used! They should be used to bring people together — like a hot cookie and a cool glass of milk — not to tear them into two steamy gooey parts. Has he learned nothing from his wife?

    Photo by Jeff Swensen/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Food, Mitt Romney, Pennsylvania


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