• Harry Reid Calls for Bonfire of U.S. Olympic Uniforms

    harry reidWhat should we be burning today in a massive pyre of ignorance? Books with controversial messages? Witches? No! According to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, we should be burning Team USA Olympic uniforms because they were manufactured in China

    "I think the Olympic Committee should be ashamed," Reid told reporters on Capitol Hill. He said they should "burn" the current uniforms, and would rather America's athletes wear shirts with "USA" hand-painted on them.

    Yes, that's exactly the image we want to project to the world! But where are we going to find American-made plain white shirts and paint, anyway? Following the Reid standard, American athletes will just parade nakedly through London shouting, "U-S-A! U-S-A!," which granted is probably the plan for many American Olympians, but not before they get good and drunk after winning a few medals, damnit.

    Also, do you know what else is made in China? Every goddamned thing that doesn't require huge capital investment or technological know-how to manufacture. Chinese textile mills are what free up Americans to work at better jobs like being an accountant or Senator or a writer of snarky blog posts.

    Fourth of July fireworks are in made in China. The flag pins Mitt Romney ordered for the 2002 Olympics were made in China. Most baseballs are made in China (though the ones used by Major League Baseball are made in Costa Rica).

    In fact, I'm pretty sure Reid just implicitly called for a mass torching of American flags, which if nothing else, is a unique approach to populist campaigning. $3.3 million worth of U.S. flags were imported from China last year.

    Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

    Tags: China, Harry Reid, Olympics, Senate, Sports


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