In honor of this new Obama campaign ad suggesting Mitt Romney paid no taxes, it behooves us to review the controversy…
Obama Campaign: We want to see Mitt Romney's tax returns!
Romney Campaign: "We're going to put out two years of tax returns."
Obama Campaign: Haha, no. We're gonna need to see the long-form tax return. At least 12 years worth.
There, you are now caught up. All that remains is to wildly speculate on the contents of the returns until more are released. What will they reveal?
1. It's well known that Ann Romney donated $150.00 to Planned Parenthood in 1994 and Mitt attended a Planned Parenthood fundraiser while running against Ted Kennedy for Senate. The returns will show Romney to be the benefactor behind the AbortionPlex, Planned Parenthood's wholesale abortion clinic.
2. A trail show his money transfers from Swiss bank accounts to Svenborgia, the "country only rich people know about."
3. A map leading to Jimmy Hoffa's body.
4. Transfers to Atlantis Holdings, the world's first underwater tax shelter.
5. A prequel to Fifty Shades of Grey, written by Romney, which is just picture book of 50 color swatches.
6. Suspiciously generous donations to the MIT Artificial Intelligence Laboratory.
7. Disturbingly frequent use of the word "bazillion."
8. A Russian nesting doll of more unreleased tax returns.
9. Declaration of comedy writers who make frequent "robot Mitt" jokes as dependents.
10. An effective tax rate of only 14%. Oh, wait.
Tags: Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Taxes