Sheriff Joe Arpaio's crack volunteer detective squad has finished its investigation into the authenticity of Barack Obama's birth certificate and has concluded that the president is definitely black. Also, they claim that the birth certificate is "definitely fraudulent," but let's be real about the subtext of this "investigation."
What prompted the inevitable finale of this, the crappiest season of CSI: Wingnut Unit ever broadcast? If you guessed "secret codes embedded into the birth certificate," you have officially mind-melded with the Maricopa County Sheriff…
Mike Zullo, the posse's chief investigator, said numeric codes on certain parts of the birth certificate indicate that those parts weren't filled out, yet those sections asking for the race of Obama's father and his field of work or study were completed.
Zullo said investigators previously didn't know the meaning of codes but they were explained by a 95-year-old former state worker who signed the president's birth certificate. Zullo said a news reporter who has helped with the probe let investigators listen in on an interview he conducted of the former state worker.
This investigation inspires so much confidence in the ability of local Arizona police to fairly administer the state's "show us your papers" statute on undocumented immigrants. Faced with repeated confirmations from Hawaii officials that the president was born in Honolulu, Arpaio's squad nevertheless looks beyond the reality to find the deeper truth that the president is blackety black, black and therefore a fraud. I'm sure Hispanic citizens, who don't have the same legal resources as the President of the United States, will have no trouble meeting Arizona's standards for documentation.
One last coup remains for Arpaio. He really needs to direct his cold case squad to determine whether Arpaio is a real person, or a laboratory experiment created by Democrats to caricature Republicans as unthinking buffoons.
Photo by Joshua Lott/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Arizona, Barack Obama, Birthers, Joe Arpaio