Like approximately three-eighths of all the world's problems in this modern era, it would appears as though Mitt Romney's current woes concerning his unwillingness to release more than two year's worth of tax returns could very well be traced back to Bill Clinton's underwear.
Makes sense right? Maybe too much sense? Or just the right amount of sense? It's tough to say exactly. At any rate, if you need some convincing for whatever weird reason, the Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan lays down the science…
The reason Mitt Romney isn't releasing more tax returns can be reduced to three words: Bill Clinton's underwear. When he first ran for president, Bill Clinton put out his tax returns.
Lisa Schiffren, an enterprising young writer for The American Spectator, went through them and found that the Clintons, when they were in Little Rock, had gone to great lengths to limit their tax bills, to the point of itemizing each contribution to local charities, including Mr. Clinton's old underwear. Hilarity ensued.
This is the kind of thing everyone in national politics fears.
And that's really just one avenue you can use to link these things. But there's totally other ways you can get there. Like, have you considered what would have happened if Bill Clinton's underwear had been just a little tighter, a little more constricting? Would a lack of groinal comfort have changed the way things went down between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky that fateful night? And what would the lack of Democratic scandal have meant for Al Gore's chances in the 2000 election? Would it have been enough to put him over the little tiny hump he needed to take Florida? And how would a Gore administration have changed the political landscape in 2002 when Romney beat Shannon O'Brien for the governorship of Massachusetts? And if he hadn't won that election, would he seriously even be a contender for the presidency now? And if he wasn't running for president, who would even care about his tax returns?
BOOM! Did it! Six Degrees of Bill Clinton's Underwear!
By the way, you can do that with almost anything. Try it if you don't believe me.
(via Political Wire)
Photo by Johannes Simon/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Bill Clinton, Fashion, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Monica Lewinsky, Sex, Taxes