Michigan's 11th Congressional District is where dreams are born. Friend of Indecision Thaddeus McCotter resigned from his House seat to work on a TV sitcom, leaving an enigma-sized Mystery Hole in the district. Kerry Bentivolio just might be the enigma to fill it.
Bentivolio is the only name listed on the Aug. 7 GOP primary for McCotter's seat, but flip that script! A number of high-profile Republicans are backing a write-in candidate, former state Senator Nancy Cassis, instead. I'm so excited for you. You're about to meet Kerry Bentivolio, and the buzz is always better the first time.
First, let's get the big news out in the open. Bentivolio is a reindeer rancher. As should be expected, nay demanded, of anyone in that industry, he's also dabbled in Santa reenacting. Or is it Santa impersonating? We really need to get around to standardizing the vocabulary in this industry.
None of that matters, though, because all you really need to know is that Bentivolio played a doctor in The President Goes To Heaven, which may be the Chick Tract of movies. Instead of striking fear into the hearts of sinners, the movie sort of suggests that 9/11 was maybe an inside job. For whatever reason Bentivolio is distancing himself from this role, but there's only so far you can distance yourself from something that's on the Internet. Especially if that something involves a nurse telling a comatose George W. Bush-like president "You were once one of the most powerful men on earth, and now you've pooped your pants." It's basically an Aaron Sorkin version of The Room.
As for Cassis, the only thing she's brought to the race is those rubber bracelets diseased people wear so we know to avoid them. Her bracelet carries the stirring message "11th congressional district, write in Nancy Cassis and fill oval." Powerful, powerful stuff. Awaiting the follow-up bracelet, "Eat white breads with traditional family and clean plate."
The Bentivolio-Cassis race is being pitted as a showdown between an outsider Ron Paul acolyte and the GOP establishment. Sure, maybe. It's a Republican primary, there's not a lot of chance for color on a grayscale. And as a YouTube star and Santa impersonator, Bentivolio is a near-perfect candidate for the online era, so it's not surprising that he's been embraced by the Paul crowd, unleashing the Internet hordes and super PAC backing from a 21-year-old trustaronpaulian (the trustafarian's libertarian cousin).
Cassis, on the other hand, drew the support of super loser Rick Santorum. A write-in candidate with a washed-up sweater vest's endorsement is considered the big establishment pick? Mr. Bentivolio must be one heck of a wild carpet ride.
Oh, and you can find more clips of The President Goes To Heaven on YouTube, which is, incidentally, where you can find every Ron Paul supporter.
Photo via Kerry Bentivolio's Facebook page
Previously: Mindy Meyer, "Divacrat"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Bentivolio a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Michigan, One of a Kind Candidates