• Barack Obama Is Destroying the American Pizza Industry

    What would you like on your pizza? You can get pepperoni, sausage, peppers, mushrooms, pineapples, meatballs, asparagus, grapefruit, bacon, buckwheat, Lego blocks, broccoli… Look, you can pretty much get anything you want on your pizza. Except one thing: affordable health care.

    That's because affordable health care — like anchovies – utterly destroys the entire pizza. Or, at any rate, makes it a tiny bit more expensive

    On a conference call last week, [Papa John's] CEO and founder John Schnatter (a Mitt Romney supporter and fundraiser) said the health care law's changes — set to go into effect in 2014 — will result in higher costs for the company — which they vowed to pass onto consumers.

    "Our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost 11 to 14 cents per pizza, or 15 to 20 cents per order from a corporate basis," Schnatter said… "If Obamacare is in fact not repealed, we will find tactics to shallow out any Obamacare costs and core strategies to pass that cost onto consumers in order to protect our shareholders best interests," Schnatter vowed.

    An extra 11 to 20 cents per counterfeit corporatized cardboard-flavored pizza?! But I'm already paying but I'm already paying at least three dollars too much for my counterfeit corporatized cardboard-flavored pizza! This will not stand. Screw that! I'm gonna get a falafel and hummus sandwich from the Middle Eastern place down the– Wait a minute! Could it be? I think it is. Barack Obama's long-term plan! Suddenly it's all so clear!

    Oh my God, he is truly the evil genius conservatives have been telling us he is.

    Photo by Lppa/Wikimedia Commons

    Tags: Barack Obama, Food, Health Care


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