Frankly, I'm surprised it took me this long to find a burlesquer candidate. Burlesque is hip these days, especially at bars where you get a tattoo with every whiskey and the bartenders wear artisanal suspenders. Going to a strip club means you're a creeper with a thin mustache, but going to a burlesque show means you're a sophisticated dandy, possibly also with a thin mustache. I can't help but think this distinction is a trap. Sooner or later, conventional wisdom will turn on us, like the way coffee was good and then it was bad and then it was good again. Just tell us what to do with these hot, dark, steamy desires! (I'm still talking about the coffee.)
Seeliger told Indecision – chew on that one, Woodward and Bernstein – that voters haven't asked her to quit burlesque if she's elected to the Portland School Board. Mainer mamas didn't raise no fools. In fact, she says her burlesque can improve communication with voters, since it's an expression of her freedom of speech, and her performances "often reflect political and social themes." The human body is more flexible than I thought.
In our not-really-wide-ranging interview, Seeliger stressed the importance of a "candidate's transparency and honesty with the public" to gain trust. I bet Portland's voters are interested in seeing her transparency, am I right, some percentage of fellas and some percentage of ladies??
"I am also known locally as a broadcast journalist on Portland's CTN-5, but that doesn't get as much attention as my burlesque shows," Seeliger added. Okay. I mean… if she wants her TV work to get more attention… I almost feel embarrassed pointing out the obvious.
If Seeliger is elected, it's pretty much guaranteed that for the first time in history middle school boys will voluntarily attend school board meetings. That's not to say Ms. Seeliger isn't a smart, professional class act who can speak eloquently about the need for honest portrayals of women to promote positive self-image among young women. Ayuh, she's got that down cold. But look, it took me 15 seconds to find video of her dancing, and 13-years-olds are the Watson and Crick of YouTube.
Okay, okay, enough burlesque jokes. You want to know about the issues. As part of her policy platform, Ms. Seeliger/D'anger has proposed making school cafeteria lunches healthier by using local and organic produce. "The dinner at my high school prom consisted of frozen chicken fingers and Tater Tots, and I was not impressed," she told Pulitzer-snubbed Indecision. You hear that, kiddos? Macho Nacho Spicy Meat Day is now going to be grass-fed Macho Nacho Spicy Meat Day. Heirloom Tater Tot casserole. Tuscan kale dippers. I could do this all day. Free-range hot dog bar. Artisanal suspenders in vintage tassel sauce.
Photo via Holly Seeliger's Facebook page
Previously: Kerry Bentivolio, "Reindeer man"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Ms. Seeliger a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Maine, One of a Kind Candidates