• Todd Akin v. Empty Chair

    Part time Senate candidate and full time ladypart expert Todd Akin failed to show  for an appearance on last night's "Piers Morgan Tonight" on Monday, perhaps due to his very important standing in front of a staircase appointment. Morgan began the program by labeling Akin a "gutless little twerp" for his last minute cancellation, showing an empty chair throughout the production.

    Akin, who has been facing calls from Republican leaders urging him to end his campaign following his "legitimate rape" comments, has until the end of the day to voluntarily withdraw. A court order could also replace him on the ballot, at least until September 25th, when his candidacy reaches full viability and can no longer be aborted.

    Democrats, who trolled Missouri Republican primary voters into selecting Akin in the first place, have been eager to see him remain on the ballot. It's true Republicans never really planned on him, and yes, he was a mistake, and yes, his upkeep is going to cost the party millions if they're to have any hope of him remaining viable, but isn't it only fair to keep him and raise him as their little miracle?

    Sadly, many Republicans think otherwise. Everyone from Jim Talent to John Ashcroft has been floated as a potential replacement (suspiciously, we haven't seen Harold Ford's helicopter lately, hmm). Now of these choices are exciting. If Republicans insist on a change, may I suggest instead…Empty Chair 2012?

    Todd Akin Empty Chair
    * On women's rights: "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." * Incapable of speaking.
    * On federal student loans: "America has got the equivalent of the stage three cancer of socialism because the federal government is tampering in all kinds of stuff it has no business tampering in." * Incapable of speaking.
    * On how to pay for chemotherapy without insurance: "People have to start being held accountable for their decisions and if somebody's not buying insurance then they're going to have to be selling their car or whatever it is to try to help cover that." * Incapable of speaking.
    * On the amendment that allows Missouri voters, rather than the overwhelmingly male Missouri state legislature, select their Senators: "I don’t think the federal government should be doing a whole lot of things that it’s doing and it well may be that a repeal of the 17th Amendment might tend to pull that back." * Incapable of speaking.
    * On the morning after pill: "Yeah. I think that is a form of abortion and I don't support it." * Incapable of speaking.

    I think we have a clear winner.

    Photos by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images and Koichi Kamoshida/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Missouri, Todd Akin, Women's Rights


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