Despite what they may think, The New York Times does not have a monopoly on spending 36 hours in various cities. As a matter of fact, I'll be spending more than 36 hours in Tampa during my upcoming trip to the 2012 Republican National Convention. I've never been to there and plan to squeeze as much fun-juice from the Florida orange while in town. Here's my tentative agenda…
1. P90X it with Paul Ryan. It would be so great to say I got my heart rate up with the very man who could be a heartbeat from the presidency. Plus, the workout is insane! Me and Paul wailing on our bi's and tri's — chopping it up. (How's that for a health plan, President Obama?!)
2. Gulf shrimp buckets! You can barely taste the toxins anymore, you guys! (Wink-wink, B.P.)
3. Cuban sandwiches? I'll pass. A patriot, I honor the embargo.
4. Visit Raymond James Stadium — or the "Ray Jay" — possibly the only stadium left in the US that's not named after a multinational conglomerate corporation, but for a pop-culture icon and sextape swordsman.
5. Do a shot every time a conventioneer talks freedom and points out that we are in America and not Russia. In light of what's happening with Pussy Riot, this old saw can get pulled from the rhetorical shed once again. (I'm gonna get so messed up on the bevs, bros!!!!)
6. Find and award a Best Political Prop ribbon to the two-year-old child who most-obviously does not understand the meaning of the sign or t-shirt that he or she is wearing.
7. Stalk the celebrities of the GOP. No, not Bachmann or Huckabee or Coulter. I'm talking about Bruce Willis, John Voight, and Victoria Jackson. The liberals may have Sen. Al Franken, but the GOP has the lady who sat next to Toonces the Driving Cat!
8. Get an Allen West-style haircut. I heart the 90s!
9. Play "Marco Rubio" in the pool. A new spin on Marco Polo, but in this version you… Well, you, just say "Rubio" instead of "Polo." It’s the freedom fries of summertime pool games.
10. Wait with open arms and baited breath for Mitt Romney's acceptance speech. Fingers crossed that it climaxes with him and Paul Ryan rocketing off into the sky in "twinsy" jet packs while "America the Beautiful" is sung by a Ray Charles hologram a la Tupac at Coachella last year.
Top that, Grey Lady!
Photo by Peter Pearson/Stone/Getty Images
Tags: Florida, Indecision Delegates, Jordan Carlos, Republican National Convention, Tampa