Nice try, Kirk Caldwell. The Honolulu mayoral candidate was in some hot poi (I hate me too) last week when photos surfaced on Instagram of his daughter and her friend burning his opponent's campaign yard sign, and then using the flaming sign to light a bong. Yea… I'm calling shenanigans on that one. If there's one thing TV has taught us about Hawaii, it's that Dog the Bounty Hunter might be a high-functioning coma patient. If there are two things it's taught us, it's that Honolulu probably has its share of people who aren't overcome with the vapors because of a bong-wielding girl destroying a campaign sign.
Woops, voters, you saw my daughter with a bong. How awful for my reputation with you surfers and head shop owners and beach performers and police who wear aloha shirts. Also, sorry my daughter destroyed a campaign yard sign, because I know everybody loves how unobtrusive and just generally aesthetically pleasing they are for all of us.
Then you saw me being a dad who had to reprimand her, but not like one of those scream monster dads that have to sit away from the bleachers at soccer games, but like one of the calm and collected dads that's more disappointed than he is angry. Those dads. Those dads pour their beer into a glass, if you know I mean. Class.
So really, Caldwell has just invented the new humble brag. Mea culpa bump? By acknowledging the muck-ups and missteps we all deal with, he’s found a way to create a relatable, more endearing public image, unlike the entirety of all campaign PR in the history of PR-ering. We look forward to the next wink-wink unfortunate news coming from Caldwell's campaign about how he apologizes for downloading season one of Game of Thrones illegally because Jesus some shows are difficult to get online.
Oh, and he also supports an overhaul of public transportation, a shift from America's embarrassingly sub-par rail system. But, you know what they say about journalism. No, not "if it bleeds it leads." The new one: "If it gets burned up and smoked in a bong, it gets endlessly linked by online news aggregators."
Photo via Kirk Caldwell's Facebook page
Previously: David Rosenfeld, "Socialist (I don't bite)"
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Caldwell a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Hawaii, One of a Kind Candidates