• Future Revelations About Paul Ryan, Mediocre Marathon Runner

    Paul Ryan did not run a sub-3 hour marathon, as he previously claimed. As confirmed in Runner's World, Ryan's lone marathon was the  1990 Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, Minnesota, where the then 20-year-old finished in 4 hours, 1 minute, and 25 seconds, which is coincidentally the same time grandmothers will have to run in order to be eligible for a Medicare voucher under the Ryan plan.

    These revelations raise the question: what other Paul Ryan scandals will be uncovered by America's specialty publications?

    Art Doll Quarterly, a magazine dedicated to "art dolls and sculptural figures" releases a back issue featuring a youthful Ryan's wire armature homage to Ayn Rand.

    The Bark (motto: "Dog Is My Co-Pilot") discovers that the Ryan family pets — Boomer and Sooner — are actually cats.

    Crappie World Magazine, "the one-stop source for freshwater fishing tips and tactics," announces that Ryan did not noodle that catfish.

    Model Airplane News, "the #1 RC aircraft magazine," reveals Ryan has given up his remote controlled plane collection, as the wireless signal interferes with his running mate's circuitry.

    Sheep!, a bimonthly magazine focused on "all aspects of sheep, including raising, caring for, and marketing sheep and sheep products" published in north-central Wisconsin knows what Paul Ryan did that summer.

    Even if some of these stories don't come through, it's in Ryan's best interest to get out in front of the news. If an expose in Runner's World can command so much attention, think of the damage Miniature Donkey Talk Magazine ("the TALK of the donkey world") can cause.

    Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Media, Paul Ryan, Sports


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