• Mitt Romney's Missing Two Minutes: Revealed!

    Mitt Romney

    Yesterday, David Corn and Mother Jones released the full secret video of Mitt Romney's private fundraiser. Or at least mostly full.

    Turns out — as The Blaze points out — that "there is clearly no natural link between" the two tapes that make up the supposedly "full" video, and even Corn himself admits that there is approximately two minutes missing. This cannot stand! As Breitbart.com points out, these two missing minutes completely nullify the entire other 68 minutes of otherwise unedited footage

    "Mother Jones has failed a basic test and broken its promise to its readers and the public. There is now reason to doubt that it provided Romney's full remarks — not just the context, but the remarks themselves. And there is new reason to suspect manipulation."

    Well, as it turns out, Breitbart.com and The Blaze have good reason to be suspicious. Because — don't ask me how — but I have dug around and come up with a transcript of those missing two minutes. And, believe it or not, they change everything

    Mitt Romney: We do all these polls — I find it amazing. We poll all these people to see where you stand in the polls but 45 percent of the people vote for the Republicans and 48 or 49…

    TAPE #1 ENDS

    Mitt Romney (cont): …percent of the people vote for… (begins snickering) I'm sorry. I can't. I can't! I tried really hard to keep a straight face but I just can't do it.

    (The room erupts into laughter.)

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #1: I knew it! I knew you were pulling our legs!

    Mitt Romney: Why didn't you stop me?! I was like, "How long are they going to let me talk like some sort of a deranged sociopath before somebody pulls the cord to my mic?"

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #2: I was about five minutes away from it, I'll tell you!

    Mitt Romney: Oh, mercy! That was so hard! Pretending like I am completely disinterested in nearly one half of the nation, calling them freeloaders. I mean, can you even imagine if somehow the media got their hands on this and selectively edited it so as to make it look like I wasn't just obviously joshing around there.

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #3: Nobody would do that. It's too evil!

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #1: The Democrats would. They're just that bad.

    Mitt Romney: Please, no! Don't speak that way about my brothers and sisters across the aisle. We may have our ideological differences, but they're still Americans. And as such, they deserve our respect. Just like all the women and poor people and Islamists out there.

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #4: Hear, hear! Let's give a cheer for the less fortunate!

    (A roar of applause courses through the room.)

    Mitt Romney: Thank you all. And now, let's move onto the actual purpose of this gathering: to put our heads and resources together and figure out a cure for the many diseases that continue to trouble poverty-stricken people the world over.

    Kind-hearted Plutocrat #1: If I may. Can I kindly request that, before moving on to our magnanimous purposes, you continue to entertain us with your obviously sarcastic impression of a cartoon-version of one of us wealthy people. It will bring me so many jollies while I am boxing care packages for the homeless later tonight in my lonely mansion.

    Mitt Romney: Oh, all right! You pulled my arm. But just for another half hour. How about we talk about… China?


    Mitt Romney (cont.): And, uh, how about I just start right in the middle of a sentence like…


    Mitt Romney (cont.): …about twice as much as China, not 10 times as much like is reported. And we have responsibility for the whole world, they’re only focused on one little area of the world, the south china sea…

    Really changes the context, doesn't it?

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Mitt Romney


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