PORN! And 6 Other Fundraising Suggestions for Mitt Romney

Let's get right to it, Mitt: your fundraising efforts are lagging. Due to Obama's revitalized base and your determination to be yourself, you're losing steam right when it matters most.

Which is why you might take a lesson from Mirad Hadziahmetovic, a Bosnian mayoral candidate who's using porn to encourage traffic to his campaign's website. And if that doesn't work, here are six more suggestions…

1. Paul Ryan's mother. Gotta put her in the spotlight more. Not only does she help soften Democratic attacks over Medicare, but people are beginning to suspect that Ann is the only woman who supports your candidacy.

2. All brownface, all the time.

3. Release more tax information. When has discussing your taxes ever gotten you in trouble? While you're at it, see if you can give that whole dog-on-the-roof thing a fresh spin.

4. Show ordinary Americans that you're one of them. You're already in debt – that's a good start. You might also want to do something about that happy marriage of yours.

5. Rename Rafalca "America." Look, I'm working with what I've got here, okay? You own an Olympic horse.

6. Hey, speaking of porn, duh: Americans like it. Maybe tell your party to tone down the talk about getting rid of it? Just a thought.

If none of this works, you could always ask Sheldon Adelson if he's got an extra few million tucked in the glove box.

Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images