Welcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Connor Ratliff, a ridiculously funny comedian and performer. He's the co-star and co-creator of the web series I'm Too Fragile for This, a regular on The Chris Gethard Show, and a member of the improv supergroup The Stepfathers (catch 'em every Friday night at the UCB Theatre-Chelsea in New York). As if this weren't enough, Mr. Ratliff is running for president. Yes, of the United States. After all, he's 37 years old, and you only have to be 35 to run. Visit his official campaign website, buy tickets to his campaign film screening on 10/15 at 92Y Tribeca, and for the love of democracy, follow him on Twitter: @35ratliff2012.
What's your earliest political memory?
I think it was probably a Reagan thing. Maybe learning that Reagan was in a movie called Bedtime For Bonzo. That made an impression on me, that you could be in a movie with a chimp and then later on be president.
I have a drawing I did of Reagan and Gaddafi when I was like 7 or 8 years old. I drew them as babies. Baby Reagan was hitting Baby Gaddafi, and Baby Gaddafi was crying.
What do you think of people who don't vote?
I have a fear that those are "my" voters, that non-voters are the core of my base. Very hard to get non-voters to turn out on Election Day.
If you could meet any political figure, living or dead, who would it be?
Franklin Pierce. Sometimes cited as the worst president. He got hit by an egg, and was friends with Nathaniel Hawthorne.
You're trapped in an elevator with the president. Strangely enough, you also have a superpower: the ability to make him do one thing of your choosing. What would you have him do?
Endorse me for president. It would be a game-changer.
Have you ever supported a candidate, issue or campaign and regretted it later?
I've said a lot of nice things about Obama. I did it the other night, right in the middle of a campaign event. I talked about how he doesn't get enough credit for things, and how ten years from now, people are gonna look back and think he did a much better job than they realized at the time. NOT a smart move when I'm running against him.
You are running for office, the highest in the land. What is your campaign slogan?
"I'm Old Enough To Be President." Also: "Well-Rested & Ready To Go," "Permanent Solutions To Now Problems" and "35 and Change." We have a lot of slogans, and are open to having more of them. We're actively taking suggestions for new slogans. [Ed. note: Got a slogan suggestion for Connor? Leave it in the comments, or tweet #35ratliff2012slogan.]
Who do you follow on Twitter for politics news?
Lots of smart folks like Joan Walsh, Touré and Glen Greenwald. A few dumb folks, too, just for balance.
Fill in the blank: Washington, D.C. is __________________.
…where I will soon live, once I am elected president.
Who's the sleaziest person in politics?
Oh, man. Dick Morris is one. He's an absolute shit. How this guy still has a career is beyond me. If Aaron Sorkin wrote a character as slimy and repugnant as him, people would tear him apart, that's how sleazy Dick Morris is. He's worse than anything you could tolerate in fiction.
But god, there are so many. As far as pure raw influence goes, Karl Rove, obviously, is the modern gold standard for sleazy. Slandering legitimate war heroes while pushing his own chickenhawk draft dodger candidates into office would be enough to push him to the top, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Who's the sexiest person in politics?
The bar for sexy among actual politicians is so weird. Like, I remember when Bush #1 picked Dan Quayle to be his running mate, and people were comparing him to Robert Redford, when he actually looked closer to Pat Sajak. In terms of pure sexual magnetism, it's probably still Bill Clinton, right? Just, he's like this animal on the prowl. The most honest answer overall is Barack and Michelle. Both really attractive–legitimately attractive, not "attractive for a politican"–and smart, with the added sense that they understand what actual human joy is.
Tell us a joke.
Previously: Dan St. Germain
Tags: Connor Ratliff, The Indecision 11