• Obama, Romney Fully Expect to Lose These Debates

    Just listen to what the Romney camp is saying, with the RNC spokeswoman praising Obama as "a world-class debater" who is "known for his world class oratory." Meanwhile, damned if the Obama people aren't putting Romney on a pedestal, noting that he's put in an unprecedented amount of preparation.

    High debate expectations have replaced Todd Akin and wealthy ancestors as the thing no politician wants to be near. But how can the candidates compliment their opponents while keeping their standard attacks? Fear not — I have some talking point ideas…

    For President Obama For Governor Romney
    * Mitt Romney's failure to empathize with working Americans definitely won't hurt his debate performance. * Barack Obama has tragically divided our country with his soaring, eloquent rhetoric.
    * Mitt Romney is a soulless aristocrat whose thorough debate prep does not reflect how much thought he'd put into being president. * No one's asked to see my birth certificate, but plenty want to know how I'll recover from the beat-down Obama will surely hand me.
    * $10,000 says Mitt cleans my clock. * Unlike the president, I'm concerned with 100% of Americans and hope they take how I do in these debates with a grain of salt.
    * My throat's been bothering me lately and I'm feeling pretty run-down, so just keep that in mind when you watch these debates. Also, Mitt Romney pays a lower tax percentage than you. * I don't know what a presidential debate is.
    * Please don't watch these debates. * I might pee involuntarily.

    Just some ideas, fellas. Break a leg!

    Photos by Jewel Samad and Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Mitt Romney


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