Look, everybody knows that all the lamestream polling this year is flat out wrong. It's an open secret. As Fox News pundit Dick Morris said — right around the time he convincingly argued that Mitt Romney was currently favored to win the country by 4 or 5 points and take Pennsylvania — "The polling this year is the worst it’s ever been."
But why? Why is it so bad? Why would the vast majority of these statistician be willing to pervert the science they hold so dear, to endanger their livelihoods and their professional reputations like this?
Rush Limbaugh knows why, and he's not afraid to share…
"The purpose of the people right now, most of them doing these polls, they're trying to make news, not reflect it, they're advancing an agenda. They're all Democrats. They're all liberals. They just have different jobs. The polls are the replacement refs. They see certain things. They don't see other things. They don't call certain things, and other things go by.
"In this case, what they're trying to do is exactly what they've done in your case: frustrate you, make you pull your hair out, say, what the hell's happening to the country? They want you thinking the country's lost. They want you thinking your side's lost. They want you thinking it's over for what you believe. And that makes you stay home and not vote. That's what they're hoping. That's why you have to fight it every day…"
Oh! A vast conspiracy of mathematicians! It's so obvious! How did I not think of this myself? Ugh, I could just kick myself in the head.
You know, what probably happened was that all these math guys saw how much fun their friends down the hall in the biology department were having convincing the world that humanity is descended from ape-like ancestors and was not molded by God's very hand from the dust of the ground (as it so obviously was!), that they decided do something similar.
I hope you're having fun ruining the country for your own personal enjoyment, statisticians! I hope the nationwide doom isn't too large a price to pay.
Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Conspiracies, Dick Morris, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Polls, Rush Limbaugh, Science & Technology