With the presidential debates almost upon us, it's also time for debate expectations-setting season.
It's that wonderful time of year when we learn from the GOP that President Obama, previously unable to utter his name without the aid of a TelePrompTer, transforms into the lovechild of Frederick Douglas and Winston Churchill when placed before a debate podium. From the Democrats, we learn that Mitt Romney, once derided as a
glass- Baccarat crystal-jawed candidate, is the second coming of Cicero against whom lifelong stutterer and public nose-picker Barack Obama stands little chance.
It's also that time when ridiculous debate-prep tidbits are leaked to the press…
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August.
That may be simultaneously the most depressing and hilarious sentence ever written about the presidential debates. Let's try to imagine what these zingers could sound like…
1. Mr. President, your administration has offered less change than a Maserati dealership gives back on a $100,000 bill.
2. Mr. President, your economic stewardship's so poor, I haven't held a job in years.
3. Mr. President, the poverty rate on your watch has risen to 15 percent. I care so much about the homeless, even my money has a shelter.
4. President Obama, you say your policies will help the economy, but offer no specifics. I ask you, where's the Kobe beef?
5. Mr. President, did you get these talking points from the local 7-11?
I really hope Obama comes back with a knock-knock joke or two.
Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Mitt Romney