• Sarah Palin "Almost" Pities Obama, and Other Post-Debate Quotes

    Lots of people are talking about last night's presidential debate. Like, a lot of people! Almost as though this were an important thing. Anyway, here's my submission for the ten best…

    "I've been watching presidential debates for quite a few years, but I have never seen one like this. It wasn’t a TKO, it was a knockout." - John Hinderaker

    I'm not 100 percent clear on who John Hinderaker is, but he's been watching presidential debates for quite a few years, so I have no reason to doubt his expertise in these matters.

    Hey, does anybody know if Sarah Palin has an opinion? I'll bet she does…

    "I almost felt sorry for him, in his role as president, trying to explain why we need to repeat four more years of failed policies." – Sarah Palin

    Wow! When you almost move Sarah Palin to experience empathic emotions for someone who is not named Sarah Palin, you've definitely done something really good or really bad.

    Not all conservatives were quite so wildly ecstatic. Some were more cautiously ecstatic…

    "Surprise! Romney better than strongest supporters hoped for. Aced Obama. All polls narrowed last few days. This may be turning point." - Rupert Murdoch

    Well, he did manage to be less biased than Chris Matthews for whatever that's worth.

    "We won the day. We've won the week so far. In order to beat an incumbent we've got to win everyday." - Reince Priebus

    Yes, starting with the last three months. How's the progress on that time machine?

    Liberals seem pretty much on board with the whole Romney wiped the floor with Obama narrative, at least judging from the spittle flying from a lot of their mouths…

    "Where was Obama tonight? He should watch — well, not just Hardball, Rachel, he should watch you, he should watch the Reverend Al [Sharpton], he should watch Lawrence. He would learn something about this debate." – Chris Matthews

    Wait a minute. So, is Matthews implying a political bias on MSNBC?

    "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Obama looks like he DOES need a teleprompter." – Bill Mahar

    It is stressful to be separated from the ones you love.

    Though, not everyone was so certain this was a Romney home run. Some people were just perplexed…

    "Well, you can say [Mitt] Romney won it because he looked mildly more alert, but I go nobody. I'm pretty bright. I don't really know what they're saying. It sounds like English. I know it's English. But it doesn't come through." – Lewis Black

    This is how you know you lost: When Al Gore switches sides and starts blaming the Earth for humanity's problems…

    "Romney did his debate prep in Denver. When you go to 5,000 feet and you only have a few hours to adjust — I don't know." – Al Gore

    Is that not the most dispirited "I don't know" you've ever seen in your life? It's almost impossible to read that without hearing a forlorn sigh before it.

    "I am the Kwisatz Haderach." - Paul-Muad'Dib

    Okay, that's not actually related to last night's debate, but I always liked that line from Dune. And it makes as much sense as whatever Al Gore was talking about. Speaking of making sense…

    "N" - Chuck Grassley

    I don't think anyone's gonna beat that. Check and mate, humanity.

    Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Maher, Chris Matthews, Chuck Grassley, Debates, Lewis Black, Mitt Romney, MSNBC, Nerdiness, Quote Unquote, Rupert Murdoch, Sarah Palin


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.