Why Joe Biden Will Win the Vice Presidential Debate

Will earn sympathy when Paul Ryan steals the Medicare card right out of his wallet.

During debate prep, read all the parts of Atlas Shrugged that involve cool train rides.

Paul Ryan is suffering from arsenic poisoning.

Just needs to stay awake the whole time to top Obama's performance.

As a 36-year veteran of the Senate, has literally — literally, not figuratively — never stopped talking.

Has been given a strict two-gaffe limit.

Not only did Barack Obama attend Martha Raddatz's wedding in 1991, it's rumored that he said "congratulations," too. If that's not foreshadowing, we don't know what is.

Will be wearing his good hair tonight.

They told him it's a big fucking deal.

Previously: Joe Biden Has a 0.1% Chance of Being Elected President

 

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Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Joe Biden, Medicare, Paul Ryan