The Norwegian Nobel Committee for Perpetual War-Profiteering Guilt has awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for 2012 to the European Union. Officially, the prize was given "because union and its forerunners have for over six decades contributed to the advancement of peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights in Europe" but we know the real reasons…
1. Have you seen those European balance sheets? They REALLY needed the money.
2. Just Norway's way of saying "sorry, not sorry" for refusing to join the Union that it claims to admire so much.
3. Has literally been decades since Germany invaded France.
4. Has been decades since Germany invaded anyone!
5. Long overdue acknowledgement of Wim Wenders' underrated 1997 neo-noir The End of Violence.
6. Emerged as a consensus winner after committee members deadlocked between the International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas (ICCAT), the International Bureau of Weights and Measures (BIPM) and the Antarctic Treaty Secretariat (ATS).
7. Barack Obama declined to be honored again.
8. There's currently no Nobel Prize being awarded for trance music, so this one will have to do.
9. EU needed cover for a long-planned drone strike campaign against Pakistan.
10. Nobel Committee wanted to soften the blow of there being zero chance that the EU would win the Prize in Economics.
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Europe, Nobel Prize