• Barack Obama Wins Babysitting Wars

    According to newly-released ABC News/Washington post poll, 49% of registered voters said they would entrust their child to the president's care, compared to 36% who preferred Romney as their babysitter. The same survey asked Americans which candidate is more apt to go bungee jumping (Obama by 39%) and who would be better at a captaining a ship through a storm (Obama by 4%), two activities best avoided while babysitting.

    Are these good survey questions that successfully measure impressions about the candidates' compassion and competence? No. But they make for a great sitcom.

    INT. ROMNEY COMPOUND IN LA JOLLA, CA — EVENING.
    MITT ROMNEY exits car elevator, enters living room, tossing $100,000 Woodrow Wilson bill in to the money-burning fireplace that illuminates the room. At request of Humane Society, no dogs are shown. Discovers SMALL CHILD sitting on couch.

    Mitt Romney
    Hello, human creature of below average dimensions. I will now speak in short sentences that I believe your kind can understand.

    SMALL CHILD appears confused.

    Mitt Romney
    Are you having a tough day?

    SMALL CHILD nods solemnly.

    Mitt Romney
    I have bad days, too. If I have a bad hair day, I just think, well, it will be an OK hair day tomorrow. Just put your head down and go. Life is a bit like being on a roller coaster, which is, you get on and there’s no stopping along the way. There are some days when you feel like this is pretty tough, and there are the days that are exhilarating, but you just keep on going.*

    SMALL CHILD more confused than ever.

    Mitt Romney
    Say, do you like sport?

    SMALL CHILD nods enthusiastically. Cut to montage of MITT ROMNEY and SMALL CHILD engaging in Romney Family Olympics, where events include  a triathlon and Lumberjack, a game involving sawing a large wooden post and hammering ten nails into a board in the fastest time. SMALL CHILD no longer enthused. The Games continue until the Department of Social Services arrives.

    FADE OUT.

    * "If I have a bad hair…" is an actual response given by Romney to Reader's Digest in response to a question about bad days.
    Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Children, Mitt Romney, Polls

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.