• One of a Kind Candidate: Rocky315W, U.S. Congress, New Jersey's 2nd

    Meet a man who's fed up with his Congressman. A man who has taken it into his own hands to start a write-in campaign for Congress. A man who doesn't identify himself during his campaign announcement. So close, rocky315w, so close.

    If you're going to watch one politics-related video today, make it this one…

    As far as I can tell, rocky315w's name is Rocky Walters (maybe), and he's running for U.S. Congress in New Jersey's 2nd District (definitely maybe). And as he explains in his video, he's "trying" to declare himself a write-in candidate, but he "can't get a hold of the newspapers." He may be some dude sitting in his basement in front of a tapestry, but Rocky is media-savvy enough to know that he could pick up a few votes "if I can get any coverage."

    Well, chin up, Rocky! You've been trying to declare yourself a write-in candidate? Bing bong, you just did. Easy peazy, fill-in-the-name-correctly-and-legibly-with-a-ballpoint-pen-as-long-as-you-tell-us-your-name-squeezy. And look, you've got coverage now, and based on some of the strong language we find in our comments section, we must have a few readers from New Jersey. We love you #$@%@-ing piles of %#&@%-guzzling @!$%#! Bruuuuuuuce!

    Even though he doesn't share his full name with us, Rocky has a few things going for him. For one, he wears a white V-neck in his videos. Branding, baby. It's simple, recognizable, and gives the voter something to remember. It's like Martin Van Buren's mutton chops or Mitt Romney's Thomas Kinkade sleeve tattoo.

    Second, Rocky kicks off his campaign by talking about some silver he picked up at the flea market. Odd? Not at all. A lot of people on the internet talk about the silver they've purchased, in a lot of surprisingly addictive videos. This may be one of those prepper things for the day when John Cusack flips the 2012 switch and we're all Hunger Games-ing each other in shoulder pads and dune buggies, and Kevin Costner is a merman but also a mailman. It's also possible that Rocky is just a man who enjoys collecting silver. Hard to say. Sometimes it seems like everyone on the internet is a Ron Paul-survivalist type, which seems nutty, but then you go outside and it's Obama/Romney, so nutty is as nutty does.

    Chances are Rocky is a perfectly level-headed guy who happens to have access to a webcam. In a deft political move, he attacks the district's current representative, Frank LoBiondo, for signing Grover Norquist's No Tax Pledge. As Rocky points out, "No one elected Grover Norquist to a damn thing," but what he forgets to mention is that there is an arcane section of the GOP platform that gives Norquist the ability to steal the first-born child of any Republican who raises taxes. (Now you know why they're all so afraid of him.)

    Turns out Rocky is also against indefinite detentions of American citizens without trial. You'd think everyone could get behind his position on this one, but then you go outside and it's still Obama/Romney, so who knows.

    Previously: Biome Michael Erickson, "Human for humans"

    Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Rocky315W a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:

    Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.


    Tags: New Jersey, One of a Kind Candidates

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