This morning, million-billionaire and highly-respected political figure Donald Trump shocked the world when he tweetered this simple message…
I'll be making a major announcement on President Obama next week–stay tuned!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 19, 2012
A major announcement? About Barack Obama? Less than three weeks before Election Day? Oh… My… God!!!
Obviously, the only thing that we can say with any certainty about this message is that it will change everything about what you think you know about President Obama. Besides that, it could be anything. But these seem to me to be the most likely possibilities…
* Donald Trump's private detectives have finally returned from their half-year investigative trip to Hawaii, and they now have definitive proof that Barack Obama had to have been born outside of the United States on account of some weird markings or something on a photocopy of his birth certificate.
* Barack Obama will not be a contestant on the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice.
* Trump is magnanimously offering his services as Secretary of Everything should Obama get to serve a second term.
* After collecting a sufficient amount of tachyon particles in his hair, Trump was able to see far enough into the future to ascertain that Obama will lose the presidential election, so, like, you all might as well not show up to vote because it's just going to be a waste of your time.
* Trump is in possession of security camera footage showing a young Barry Obama stealing towels from a Trump Hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
* Barack Obama eats pizza the laughably incorrect way, with his hands, instead of the proper way with a knife and fork.
* Trump has heard, via an anonymous source, that Barack Obama has done something that makes him ineligible for the presidency in some way.
Tags: Donald Trump, Twitter