• Mitt Romney's Spray Tan Secrets Revealed!

    Alright, so, Donald Trump's supposedly-campaign-altering revelation about President Obama turned out to be even sillier and more desperate than people expected it to be. And Gloria Allred's October surprise, which lulls me into an incredibly restful slumber every time I try to read about it, is matched only in snooze-factor by the non-storyness of the newly-released Libya emails.

    So, my friends, we seem to have wandered into a dead zone of ridiculous nonsensical scandals on which to breathlessly pretend the election hangs. Until now! Buzzfeed just released insider testimony concerning Mitt Romney's otherworldly verging-upon-Boehner-esque tan

    A knowledgeable source tells BuzzFeed the answer is in a bit of cosmetic technology used commonly by celebrities: spray tanning. The Republican nominee has made a habit of spray tanning before major speeches, debates, interviews, and other events that have a chance of getting wide TV coverage, the source said. He pays for the process out of pocket — sparing his campaign the expense, and the task of masking it on public campaign finance reports — and steers clear of public salons where he could be recognized. Instead, he gets misted down in the comfort of his own home or hotel suite.

    Spray tan?! I don't know… That doesn't really jibe with the image of Mitt Romney as a straight-talking everyman with little consideration for perception over reality that nobody has. If only there was that one extra little aspect to this story which could kick it into genuine silly non-news scandal…

    The Romney campaign flatly denied that the candidate spray tans: "Not true," spokeswoman Andrea Saul said in response to an inquiry.

    A denial from the campaign! That's exactly what I was hoping for. Now let's take this one all the way to the end zone.

    Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Mitt Romney


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