While all of us in the Middle Atlantic and Northeastern states will have to deal with the effects of Hurricane Sandy, the storm poses special challenges for the ideologically pure. They say that just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in hurricanes, but that's simply not accurate. In fact, there are a few simple steps you can take to ride out the storm while maintaining your (privately-paved) Randian street cred…
1. Make your own forecast.
Though television stations are privately owned, they owe their access to the wireless spectrum to the Federal Communications Commission. Furthermore, all forecasts provided by your local weatherman are actually sourced from the National Weather Service and the National Hurricane Center. You should not rely on these.
Luckily, it's easy enough to make your own weather vane, barometer, hygrometer and anemeter. Should you be low on time, just throw some fiat currency in the air — it's worthless anyway! — and watch where it flies. Record the direction and wind speed. If Krugerrands also flutter away, seek shelter immediately.
2. Inform first responders of conscientious objector status.
Police officers and firefighters have been known to trespass on to private property without prior contractual agreement and without private payment to "rescue" victims of natural disasters. Don't let this be you.
Batten down the windows with your old Ron Paul lawn signs. Seal the bottom of your doorway with Gary Johnson bumper stickers. Raise a Gadsen flag over your patio. Spray paint "Who is John Galt?" on the roof. Eventually, even the dimmest public sector union member will get the message and leave you alone.
3. Avoid FEMA Assistance.
Mitt Romney has called for sending disaster relief to the states or to the "private sector" and his budget would require a 34-53% cut to FEMA, so pending the electoral outcome in Ohio, you have a good chance of dodging this welfare bullet.
(For a better checklist, everyone — including our libertarian friends — can check out Ready.gov)
Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Libertarian, Natural Disasters