Barack Obama Re-Elected: Winners and Losers

Technically speaking, Barack Obama, Joe Biden and Senate Democrats were Election Day's big winners. But that's only if you over-sample something called the "election results." Who were the night's real winners?

Winners

1. Nate Silver, who will not be dragged through the streets by angry Brooklyn hipsters.

2. Members of the conservative media, who will have jobs for another four years.

3. Chris Christie, because whatever his chances for 2016, he got to meet the Boss.

4. The Republican presidential primary candidates, who are no longer lonely in their loserdom.

5. Barack Obama. He had an okay night.

Losers

1. The potential Senate GOP rape caucus.

2. Barack Obama, who still has to deal with the Republican House.

3. Kid Rock. Just because.

4. Mitt Romney.

5. People who love recounts.

Previously
How Did We Vote, America? [PHOTOS]
The Most Inscrutable Tweets of Election Day 2012

Photos by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News and Larry Marano/WireImage/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Chris Christie, Democrats, Election Day 2012, Kid Rock, Mitt Romney, Republicans