Election Day is terrifying! Your candidate might lose! What's worse, a candidate you don't like might win! Fear not, Republican friends, our handy guide will help you get through the stress of the next twenty-four hours. (It better not be more than twenty-four hours.)
Eat a hearty breakfast. If it's not red meat, that's a jinx.
Playing Jenga isn't just a fun way to distract yourself from those slow ballot-counters in Florida. It's a way to commune directly with Mitt Romney's spirit.
If you start feeling anxious, breathe into a binder. (Women optional.)
Every Ohio vote counts. Take a moment to send your favorite Ohioan a box of ladybugs. Ohioans love ladybugs — why else would they be the state insect?
Don't just sweat election returns — sweat it out. WWPRD?
Pray. Obviously Christian-type prayers count a little more.
Relax and remember: This guy's on your side.
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Tags: Election Day 2012, Election Day Survival Guide, Meat Loaf, Mitt Romney, Ohio, Republicans