This morning, Mary shared an Election Day Survival Guide for Republicans and an Election Day Survival Guide for Democrats, which is all well and good, except that people who cast their ballots for one of those two parties only make up a vast majority of voters.
What about the minute number of people are taking a stand against the tyranny of the two-party system by voting for candidates like Jill Stein, Gary Johnson or the Lizard People? Don't they deserve an Election Day Survival Guide of their own? Yes, they do! And here it is…
Some people suggest eating a hearty breakfast of pancakes and eggs. Others say you should eat a light salad of fruit and yogurt. You don't need those people's practical reasoned advice! You go your own way! Eat a bowl full of nuts and bolts! It has no genuine nutitional value, but it sends a strong message.
Making new protest signs isn't just a fun way to blow off steam while waiting to find out how disappointed you are in the U.S. electorate. It also gives you a head start on whichever cause you're going to throw yourself into next week.
If you start feeling anxious, breathe in deeply from one of these. (Cool Ranch Doritos optional.)
Nevada — where Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson is carrying approximately 3 percent of the state vote — represents a third-party's best chance of winning a state. So, take a minute to send your favorite Nevadan a pet chicken. They love chickens in Nevada. In fact, they have the most famous chicken ranch in the world there.
Don't just talk about the broken nature of the democratic process in America. Only talk about the broken nature of the democratic process in America. WWRND?
Pray. It's statistically as effective as voting for a third party candidate.
Relax and remember: This guy's on your side.
Photos by Jason Kempin, Alex Wong/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images; Renold Zergat/Stone/Getty Images; Nikada/Vetta/Getty Images; Steve Wisbauer/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images; Andrea Pistolesi/The Image Bank/Getty Images
Tags: Election Day 2012, Election Day Survival Guide, Gary Johnson, Green Party, Jill Stein, Libertarian, Third Party