Don't wait for tonight to find out the results of 2012 election! You can find out everything you need to know about how things will go down with just a few six-sided dice (or, as non-D&D nerds call them, "dice") and the probability charts included below.
So, go open up some of your those board games sitting on the top shelf of your coat closet and get three dice. If you simply cannot produce three dice, you can use an online dice-throwing simulator, but it's less fun. Roll all three at once, add up the values, and check it against these probability charts…
The Presidential Election
Barack Obama wins everything. 3 to 10 Mitt Romney wins everything. 11 1o 13 Barack Obama wins Electoral College; Mitt Romney wins the popular vote 14 Mitt Romney wins the Electoral College; Barack Obama wins the popular vote. 15 Electoral College tie. 16 or 17 Gary Johnson wins everything. 18 Jill Stein wins everything. One of the dice rolls off the table and is immediately carried away by a waiting rodent and is dropped in the animal's stash within the walls of your home, and it lands on 6.
Democrats retain the Senate and win back the House. 3 to 7 Democrats retain the Senate; Republicans retain the House. 8 to 12 Republicans win the Senate and retain the House. 13 or 14 Republicans win the Senate but lose the House. 15 or 16 Disney acquires the Senate in an unprecedented $4.7 billion deal; Republicans retain the House. 17 Democrats retain the Senate; Michele Bachmann wins every open seat in the House due to obscure Constitutional law involving a staring contest. 18
Cable News Coverage
CNN, MSNBC and Fox News will cover the election results with the seriousness and impartial objectivity befitting such a monumental event. 1 or 2 CNN will unveil its new "virtual smell" technology. 3 to 6 MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell will tear a swath of flesh from conservative pundit S.E. Cupp with his bare teeth. 7 to 11 Fox News will be the first network declare the election for Mitt Romney, willing the result so hard that a rift in spacetime will carry the network into an alternate reality in which all the principles of Ayn Rand have been proven true. 12 to 16 Fox News will be the first network declare the election for Barack Obama. 17 or 18
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Tags: Election Day 2012