• HysteriaWatch 2012: Voting Might/Will Kill You

    It's not just that nice guy next door who kept to himself or everyday household products. Now voting can kill you too…

    Ty Houston, 48, a home care registered nurse, was toiling on his absentee ballot Monday afternoon when things got strange at township offices on 13 Mile.

    Oooooo, exciting. Like the back cover of a new Stephen King novel!

    "I was filling out the form as were an elderly couple sitting at a nearby table," said Houston on Tuesday. "His wife, who was helping him fill out the ballot, asked him a couple of questions but he didn't respond. She screamed for help and I went over to see what I could do."

    Now that's how you build suspense! What sort of horrors is this innocent (OR IS HE?) bystander about to witness?

    Houston laid the victim on the floor and went to work.

    "He was dead," Houston said. "He had no heartbeat and he wasn't breathing. I started CPR, and after a few minutes he revived and started breathing again. He knew his name and his wife's name."

    Maybe he has some new special powers since he's seen THE OTHER SIDE. Can he tell us who won the election?

    What happened next astounded Houston and the victim's wife. "The first question he asked was 'Did I vote?'"


    According to Houston, the man — who had a tracheotomy in his throat — gulped down a few more breaths and then told her there are only two things that are important to me: "That I love you and that I finished what I came here to do… vote."

    Awwwwww. This isn't Stephen King, this is Nicholas Sparks! BUT FOR WHOM DID HE VOTE?!

    EMS personnel then took the pair to William Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, but only after the couple wrapped Houston in thanks and hugs.

    "It was God's divine word that I be there. Originally, I was just going skip the ballot and just go to lunch that day," Houston said.

    We may never know how this man cast his ballot, but what we do know is that you are most certainly going to die if you vote. Unless you don't*.

    *Comedy Central's Indecision is not responsible if you do or do not die while voting.

    Photo by Andrew Burton/Stringer/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Election Day 2012, HysteriaWatch 2012, Michigan, Mitt Romney, Voter Suppression


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.