• Secession Is the Right-Wing "I'm Moving to Canada"

    Liberals, you were never moving to Canada, not even if you'd lost last week's election. It's cold and you wouldn't have liked Stephen Harper and you have to learn about hockey. It just wasn't happening, no matter how many uninsured people Mitt Romney would have hired to perform a horsey dressage dance for his amusement at the inauguration ceremony.

    But let's be real, now that conservatives have emerged as the election's sore losers, this isn't going to happen either. For the sake of these deluded people, let's just hope secession petitions are a very elaborate promotion for the Lincoln movie…

    Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.

    The Texas secession petition, one of several submitted to the White House website, has over 20,000 signatories as of this writing. That puts it just 5,000 short of the number necessary to receive an "official response" from the Obama administration, according to the guidelines of the "We the People" program. I know everyone is wary of giving the plot away, so spoiler alert: you can look up the "official response" in pretty much any U.S. history book.

    Aggrieved right-wingers should stick to charges of impeachment. That's the Free Bird of the House Republicans, sung whenever Democrats secure a favorable presidential result. I know, I know. Barack Obama's second term hasn't even begun, but consider this

    One Direction has been invited by the newly-elected US President, to play a private gig at the White House for his two daughters, 14-year-old Malia and 11-year-old Sasha, as a special "thank you" to the girls for helping his re-election campaign…

    According to the Daily Star, President Obama’s request to the band is "an open invitation for a date to be arranged that fits with everyone's busy schedules."

    There's article one of impeachment, right there.

    Photo by Karen Bleier/AFP/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Music, Texas

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