• Tyrant Barack Obama Removes Herp-a-Derp Secession Petition

    According to the self-imposed guidelines of the "We the People" program, the White House has promised to facilitate the exercise of Americans' First Amendment right of petitioning their government for redress by responding to online petitions that have received more than 25,000 signatures.

    Yet when the proud citizens of the state of Herp-a-Derp joined citizens of 40 other states in petitioning for secession from the Union, the Obama administration removed this clarion call for freedom from the White House website…

    Peacefully Grant the State of Herp-a-Derp to Withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW Government

    As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:

    "When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one neighbor to secretly let his dog crap on the lawn of another, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

    Therefore, herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check. I earned that, yo.

    Has there ever been a clearer exposition of the American ideal of limited government, personal responsibility and freedom than, "herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check"? I submit, there has not. And yet where this jeremiad for liberty was once displayed, now stands a message saying, "The petition you are trying to access has been removed from the site under our Moderation Policy because it is in violation of our Terms of Participation."

    Apparently, "We the People" is limited to petitions "to change or continue federal government policy or action," and the secession of Herp-a-Derp, possibly our most populous state, doesn't qualify.

    This may be because the White House believes Herp-a-Derp isn't real. Evidence on their own site points to the contrary. A petition that begins, "WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO: request that Obama be impeached for the following reasons…" is still active and claims nearly 5,000 signatures. Does the White House mean to suggest that a petition addressed to Obama asking Obama to impeach Obama wasn't written by the founding fathers of Herp-a-Derp?

    Photo by Ben Sklar/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, First Amendment, Internet


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.