5 Best Deleted Petitions from the White House Website

The Obama administration claims to be in favor of transparency and civic participation, but lately, it's been deleting citizens' petitions from the "We the People" website, undoubtedly a prequel to the mass purges of political dissidents soon to befall the United States. And to think, all these people were petitioning for was a right to punch Grover Norquist "once, and only once, square in the dick." Was that too much to ask?

1. Everyone to punch Grover Norquist in the dick

"Peacefully grant the people of the United States of America to have Grover Norquist be brought forth in chains and put in a public pillory. Once Grover Norquist has been secured, anyone who wishes will be allowed to punch him once, and only once, square in the dick."

2. Peacefully Grant the State of Herp-a-Derp to Withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW Government

"…herp-a-derp-derp, but please keep sending my Social Security check. I earned that, yo."

3. Make Duncan Trussell the Emperor Of Planet Earth

"We petition the Obama administration to construct an iron throne made of meteorites and incinerated pope penises upon which the new emperor of planet earth Duncan Trussell can reign supreme. Attached to the throne should be a surgical straw connected to an endless quantity of fresh fetal stem cells upon which our Lord may suckle as the people of the world petition him for mercy or offer him their children and livestock."

4. Make Batman the Secretary of Defense

"I would like the crime fighter known as Batman to be the Secretary of Defense. "

5. Make Hank the Cat an Honorary Senator

This is why democracy doesn't work.

Tags: Animals, Barack Obama, Batman, Grover Norquist, Internet, Movies