• America's Post-Election Freakout

    I've seen a number of presidential elections in my lifetime. My mother, a liberal, did her fair share share of hand-wringing and yelling at the TV in the '80s. But these are different times. Times, it would seem, of epic histrionics. Karl Rove's election night conniption was just a preview of the insanity we would see after all the votes were counted.

    Take, for example, the Arizona woman who ran over her husband with the family minivan because he hadn't voted. 

    She's just an individual, you say. An outlying example. Well, I would ask you to consider the thousands of Americans who are signing online petitions demanding that their state secede from the union ('cause that totally worked out the last time). Rebellion 2.0! You don't even have to leave your couch. The revolution will come to you. Pay no attention to the fact that the leader of the secession charge, Texas, was the second-highest recipient of federal funds in 2011. Hmmmm… that reminds me of the time I tried to run away from home with a bindle over my shoulder and a pocket full of Sour Patch Kids. Super-smart and effective, all around.

    What Texas may not realize is that Puerto Rico just voted for statehood. In other words, if the Lone Star State decides to ride off into the sunset, well, que sera, sera. No need to update the American flag: there's a sub on the bench, ready to go.

    Photo by Sean Murphy/Iconica/Getty Images

    Tags: Indecision Delegates, Jordan Carlos, Karl Rove, Puerto Rico, Texas


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